Bob's mother's death

Bob's sweet mother Maxine left this world to be with Jesus on December 3rd about 3:05 a.m. She had Alzheimer's so the last 4 or 5 years have been challenging for Bob. About 3 weeks before she died we had to move her to Quail Ridge to a Alzheimer's facility so things were going to get worse for her. She did know Bob the day before she died so that was good. She was in good health for the most part and so we are glad she did not have to endure what was sure to come had she stayed with us for awhile longer. The hardest thing to endure was typical of the disease and that was the anger and rage at the caregiver, Bob and the outbursts of profanity that was so unlike her.

Most of her life were devoted to sharing the gospel of Jesus and trying to help those in need. She had a hard life in that she lost a son Richard at 8 years of age and another son, Raymond when he was grown. It would be so hard to outlive your child.

I wanted to write this blog to share what an experience we had in laying her to rest. First we had a small funeral for her here in Lubbock, Texas and that went very well. She wanted to be buried next to her husband Ray who had died in 1996 and her youngest son Richard in Dakota City, Nebraska, so Bob had to work with not only the funeral home here but another one up there. Sanders Funeral Home delivered the body to Delta Airlines in Dallas on Saturday evening and we took a plane out on Tuesday morning. We were supposed to arrive in Sioux City, Iowa at 3:46 in the afternoon. The only airlines that go into Sioux City, is Delta-Northwest so from Lubbock we had to fly to Memphis, Tenn, then transfer to a flight that went to Minneapolis, Minnesota, and from there we were supposed to transfer to a plane that would take us to Sioux City. Before we left, Bob's cousin Irene, called and said a blizzard was on the way and maybe we should postpone things but knowing how unpredicatible the weather can be, we decided to take a chance and go on after talking with the director of the funeral home there.

While in Memphis, we got word that the boday did not arrive in Omaha, so they were not sure when it would or where her remains were. Poor Bob got on the phone with the funeral home in Sioux City, and then his cousins to cancel the funeral which was scheduled the next day. After arriving in Minneapolis, after several hours of delay, they cancelled our flight. We decided to try to get closer to Sioux City if possible so we flew into Sioux Falls, South Dakota where we spent the night. The next morning we rented a car and drove down to Sioux City.

We were able to have the services the next day as they located Mrs. Strong in Minneapolis and finally got her remains in Sioux City. The blizzard did come as predicted so we were at the cemetary with temperatures at -5 degrees with a wind chill of 17 below zero. The crowd was much smaller due to the weather being so nasty, but we finally did get her laid to rest.

Next came the challenge of trying to get our flights changed to the next day. So we flew home a day later than planned.

Wish you could plan not to leave this earth in December, in the middle of a blizzard. We missed Rose's performance in the Nutcracker and also Cody's Nutcracker performance and Brianna's Choir concert due to our untimely travels. So sorry for this for the girls sake.

Here it is December 16th and I don't have all of those 32 presents purchased or wrapped or any of the decorations up. I am feeling extremely sorry for myself. I am sure that as time passes we will laugh about all of this as it was an unbelievable experience. I understand Maxine was a little fire-cracker in life and she sure went out with a bang. Bob was lucky as was I to have a good woman for his mother. We will miss her but we would never want her back the way she was.

Missing Mother

As February winds down and we only have another week left in the month I think back to what we were all doing this time last year. Starting in January mother started her final journey which ended in Heaven. Her health had gotten so bad that Linda Mae and I summoned Patti, Neale, Greg, Joy, and Linda Lou and all came to see her in the following weeks. Patti, Neale, Greg and Lita all were so alarmed with her condition that they all decided to stay which finally culminated in mother's passing on March 5, 2008.



I find myself crying often as I think of all the firsts of this past year starting with Easter, Mother's day, 4th of July, mother's birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas and now the anniversary of her final journey. I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone and discuss something going on in our lives. She was always such a willing ear and always looked for the best in each situation no matter what.

I posted a photo of her on facebook and many of the family have all been thinking of her just like I have. A good friend of mine sent me a message and said that it had been 6 years since his mother's passing and not a day goes by that he does not miss her.

I ask myself what is the good in thinking about her like this and I guess I hope that I can have somewhat of the same impact on my children and grandchildren as she did and live a life worthy of her memory.

My niece, Lori lives in Germany and she made a chocolate pie today and was reminded of mother. Mother made the most devine chocolate pies and as far as I can tell no one can equal her. Some of us try but never quite achieve the perfection she did. Another niece Kristen who lives in the state of Washington expressed a similar experience around Christmas or Thanksgiving.

We are all missing you mother and although we would not want you to be sad or to back here, we do hope you know how much we all love you and miss you.

Survival

I can't believe it is only two weeks until Christmas 2008. It is always a glorious time of year as we contemplate all God has done for each us of us. The thing that resonates the most for me, is I cannot comprehend God loving us so much that He sent His only Son to die for our sins, but I am so grateful He did. I have not been able to comprehend why I was blest to have the mother I did but I am so very grateful for her. I don't know why I was blest to be born in the United States, but I am so grateful I was. I am so grateful for the blessing of living in Lubbock, Texas, the blessing of my church Calvary Baptist in Lubbock, Tx, the blessing of being able to worship the God I choose in freedom, the blessing of our new pastor Dr. Richard rush, the blessing of hearing God's word proclaimed each week and finally the blessing of my beautiful family.

Last year we made a special effort to be together at mother's house for Thanksgiving for which I am so grateful. Carleen and Neale were here and bless Carleen's heart the day after saw to it that all the decorations were up so mother could enjoy them. Linda Mae and Carleen spent the whole day putting them up.

I always have my growing family over on December 23rd to celebrate Jesus's birthday and we wanted her to be there last year, but she did not feel like it. She did come over for lunch on Christmas day. I thorougly enjoy the music, the decorations, the food, the family, the togetherness. This time is so sweet and such a priceless reminder of God's love but it is sad because it is the first season without mother. She loved all this so much and always wanted her house decorated early so she could look and savor the reminders of Christmas. She always started planning early on what gifts to give everyone and what food we would have. We are grateful that she was always able to do this with help from her children until the end.

Finally God bless all who might happen to read this post and may the gift of God's son be real to you and hopefully occupy a place in your heart.

Fall Reflections

Fall is one of my favorite times of the year and in Lubbock, TX, the weather is gorgeous. The days are warm, not hot and the nights are cool, a grim reminder that cold weather is just around the corner.

In my last blog entry I talked about the cute little spooks that visited our house on Holloween and our church's fall festival. We had a great time with the family but it was a sad time too. I think of last year before mother went to be with Jesus. She absolutely loved Holloween and made sure she had a lot of the best candy to give out. No cheap candy for her, she wanted all the real good chocolate candy and she wanted everyone to have plenty.....not just one piece from her. She wanted everyone to come in so she could see their costumes and we are grateful we have some cute photos of her last year. Who would have thought that last year would be her last year to enjoy this time of year.

This is part of the series of firsts I have had to experience since mother left this hard old world. Even though mother was 89 years of age, she would have been extremely involved in the sad election results of last night. I remember her saying over and over again that she didn't leave the Democratic party, it left her. She was not overly fond of John McCain, he has been too bi-partisan for her, but she would have absolutely loved Sarah Palin. (I just hope we have not seen the last of her. She makes me so proud of what it means to be a lady and she brought such class to the Republican ticket).

As I think over these last months, we have had to celebrate Easter, Mother's day, July 4th , her birthday, now Holloween with Thanksgiving and Christmas to follow all without her. It brings back a flood of memories because she was big on any excuse to get together with the family. Days in advance she would call and ask what the plans were. She was big into planning the food so we would do that and she was always involved until the last couple of years.

When our kids were growing up, we lived South of town in the country and we always had a cookout on the 4th. The whole family would come and bring their fireworks and we would gather in the front yard for our family fireworks display. Then, when it got good and dark, we moved to the back yard where we could watch a nearby race track do their spectacular fireworks show. I guess that is one of the few things I missed when we moved to town....no longer a place to have the family over for fireworks on the 4th. We do have a swimming pool now so for awhile, we had a cook out and swimming on the 4th, but the pool is in need of repair so we have not done that for the last several years.

I am grateful we had a good celebration for her last several birthdays and that we made Easter and Mother's day special for her last year. It certainly taught us that we are to live in the moment and to make each day special as we never know what is ahead for us. I miss you mother and I hope you know how much I loved you.

Fabric Fiasco

You might be wondering what in the world would be interesting about fabric on a blog. Bear with me. A number of years ago I operated a small clothing business from my home. I sold things in craft shows and a local craft mall. It was definitely small stuff but I did make $33,000 from things I made myself my last year in business. I made beautiful skirts, matching vests, decorated T-shirts, appliqued vests, appliqued blouses, beautiful glitzy jackets, a cute Santa sitter couple and so on. After reflecting on the hours I was working each day (7:00 a.m. to 12:00 midnight), I decided to get a job. For awhile, I did not only the job but continued to maintain the booth at the craft mall and did both.

Those hours got to be too much after awhile so I decided to close the business. I always meant to do something with all that fabric but had never gotten around to it. The reason I had so much fabric is that to get the best price, you need to buy the whole bolt. Well anyway, I had the fabric stored in a spare bedroom. It was stacked according to colors, types and so on. One weekend a few years back while I was out of town visiting my oldest son Jimmy, my husband decided he wanted to pack away the fabric. He did so without my knowledge and when I came home there were 17 large boxes in the garage with my fabric.

Now the problem with all this is that I would have liked to do this myself. I would have put the stuff I wanted to keep and use somewhere different than the other stuff. Although I want to rid our lives of most of it, there are some fabric that I absolutely will not part with. I had much of it sorted out and in shelves with all the reds together, the blues together, the blacks together and so on. The purpose of this was so that if I wanted to applique something, or if I ever got around to learning to quilt, it would be easy to see what I had and get with the task. This was all mixed in with the other stuff.

I have to tell you that my husband Bob is the greatest. He is a good husband in most important ways but with regard to this one endeavour, his virtues were lost to me as he had no idea of the problems he created for me. To get back to the story, in getting my mother's house ready to sell, we have had one garage sale and now plan for at least one more if not two. The reason was to sell mother's stuff nobody wanted but I needed to sell some of my stuff to make room for the things I am moving to my house. So we have been selling not only her stuff but some of ours. I decided to tackle the fabric issue for our upcoming sale and started going through the 17 large boxes in the garage.

As I started this huge task, Sunday night I became angry all over again because I was reminded of the huge amount of extra work this had created for me. I was not a good role model of what to do when irritated with the spouse for some reason. Bob disappeared for awhile and I don't blame him. I finally got down to the last box last night and I have sorted, measured, and priced the fabric for the garage sale. It is all dirt cheap and I hope there a few people who will appreciate the beautiful assortment I have. One of the things that made my things different and pretty was the combination of patterns and fabric in my original way on the garments I created. I do owe Bob an apology although he has been sweet ever since regardless because I think he realizes he should have asked me before he packed it all up and I would have begged him to wait til I got home and we could do it together as it would be better for me that way.

To be fair, when these 17 boxes are gone and the stuff my packrat husband has saved for years is gone our garage might again resemble a garage. It has not been that I want to hold on to stuff, I just hate cleaning closets, sorting drawers, organizing cabinets, and all that builds up. I have noticed that I have over used the word "stuff" in this piece but really can't think of another word that would do the job.

Mother would be so proud of our garage as it will be in a few days, as she always hated it when I could not park in the garage. Bob is really trying to let go of some of the things and that is definately real good.

Getting Mom's House Ready to Sell

I have been meaning to update my blog but I have been busy trying to get the stuff out of my mother’s house so we can get her house on the market. It was really hard in the beginning but it no longer feels like her house so now it is just hard work. We are going to have a garage sale on Friday and Saturday and then everything that does not sell is going to be boxed up and donated to some place that can use the things. We have been working non stop for several weeks and I am beyond tired. I don’t have the energy or strength like I did when I was younger to work on something day and night and not feel the sting of it.

When my brother and sisters were here the last of June and the first of July we started the process. We pulled everything out of the attic, the closets and the high cupboards and divided those things of value at that time. However after everyone went home there is still tons of stuff to deal with.

Growing up, our mom taught us a deep love and appreciation for reading. Long before we had television, we would go to the public library and the whole family would check out books to read. Many times I would read all of mine and then in addition read my older sister’s before we had to return them. Mother read aloud to us when we were small and then we all read as a family later on. She had quite a collection of books herself. I am going to try and sell the paperback novels, but I can’t bring myself to do that with some of her finer books. Some of them I will keep and others will be donated to Exodus Prison Ministry or somewhere else that would appreciate them.

Mother loved the Lord and one of the ways she worshiped Him was through sacred music. She had many records by different Christian artists and later on she had all the videos by Bill Gaither and the homecoming friends. I am sure she has everyone they ever made and even some duplicates. She would forget she had ordered them and order again.

One of the nice things about keeping so much stuff is that everyone has been able to have something that will remind them of her. Each of the children and grandchildren and great grandchildren here have been able to choose something meaningful from her house. I thought it precious to see my oldest grandson have on display on a shelf an old beat up hand egg beater of mom's. Long before electric mixers came into being she could beat those eggs up a storm on her hand mixer. I remember her making her famous cream pies with that rusty old beater.

Milestones in Grief

I now have survived not having mother at my house on Easter and Mother's day. For a long long time now, I have fixed lunch for my mother and Bob's mother on both days. It was sad to realize things would never be the same again. Tuesday May 13th was our church's annual Daughter's banquet for which I am in charge and have been for 12 years. I can't seem to get out of being in charge. We had about 175 in attendance and the program was good, the food great and the program wonderful. This is the first year since I have been in charge that mother has not been my special guest so that was sad of course. Her strength was beginning to fail last year. She called and told me she didn't feel up to coming but at the last minute changed her mind and wanted to come. I was so glad she came.

The family that did our program was a couple who met while at Texas Tech and were members of Calvary at that time. They married 27 years ago and have 11 children and they all play stringed instruments. 8 of the children and the parents put on a musical program for us. Anyway when they were in college they often ate Sunday lunch with mother and remember her well. They remember her graciousness to them while students away from home. We had an adopt college students program for awhile and the church members would adopt a student for a school year and help them feel welcome at Calvary and provide a home away from home.

I take comfort in knowing mother was proud of my involvement in things at church following in her footsteps. She was involved in teaching a ladies Sunday School class for many years and in a Bible study group that met on Tuesday's for years at her home. This was an outgrowth of ladies at our church who wanted to study the Bible in more depth each week. Out of that Bible study came the establishment of a Bible correspondance prison ministry called Exodus that ministers to men and women in prisons all over the United States.

Our church has been without a Senior pastor for 18 months. Everytime I talked to her on the phone or had lunch with her on Thursdays she asked how the search was going. I happened to be on the pastor search team this time so we talked about what we were doing often. Last Sunday, our church extended a call to Dr. Richard Rush from El Paso to be our next senior pastor and he graciously accepted. Mother would be so proud. I think she would have loved knowing him. She was our church staff's biggest supporter.

Great Cathedrals

Maybe all this preoccupation with thoughts of my mother are normal when you lose someone as recently as I have, March 5th to be exact. All those closest to her have spent much time in reflection on her life and her struggles, which were many. We have discussed or written about when grief suddenly hits us and how we are coping. It is different for each of us. I am not a gifted writer like my niece Kristen or my son Brad but have been compelled to write down my thoughts of my mom on my blog. I suppose this is to preserve these thoughts so that as time dulls the ache left by her absence, I will not forget my heritage or my legacy from a truly great woman.

I recently read a short essay about great cathedrals in Europe. No one can say who built the great cathedrals as there seems to be no record. But it took years and years to build them and many times the workmen never saw the work even completed. The story is told of a rich man who came to visit a cathedral during construction. He saw a workman carving a tiny bird into one of the great supporting beams. He asked the workman why he was spending so much time on something that would never be seen. The workman replied “Because God Sees”. It is said that no great cathedrals will be built in our lifetime because there are no workman who would be devoted enough to spend their lives building something they might never see to completion.

I saw my mother’s life reflected in the words of the essay. She never saw the completed greatness of her life’s greatest work, which was the investment of love and beauty to her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and the generations that follow. She loved us all for our differences and appreciated us for the God given gifts she saw manifested in our lives. She often spoke of the challenge of having a large family. It seemed we were cooking and washing clothes all the time, when I was growing up. We all had to help with the work of our large family, but we all can cook and clean and wash because she was teaching us in the process of living life. Some of her friends commented about her not being able to do some of the things they did because of her large family. Many times in her later years she commented on the blessing of her family and especially during the last weeks of her life when we all contributed to her well-being during her passing.

I think of the sacrifices she made so that we always had a good Christmas. Sometimes the gifts were very simple but she made the presentation special. She always started planning early so we could have gifts on a crowded budget. She did get up at 4 or 5 in the morning to bake chocolate, lemon or coconut cream pies and put the turkey on to cook. Or she would bake homemade cinnamon rolls while we were at school on a cold winter day so that when we got home from school we were met with their sweet aroma welcoming us home. This might be on a day when we were running low on food so she hoped this would distract us from the fact that supper was going to be very sparse.

As a mother she was building a great cathedral for the world. Of course it is invisible so the world will never marvel at what she built or at the beauty that has been added to the world by her sacrifices but we as her children know and we marvel.

I guess it just takes time

Well it has now been two weeks since our dear mother passed from this life to the next. Although we know she is at peace and no longer in the great pain that had gripped her for weeks, it is so hard to pass by the places we took her and places we knew she loved without being overcome with grief. It was hard to go to church Sunday because we have worshiped at the same church, she and I for over 40 years. She had not been able to come for a couple of years but just knowing she would not be coming ever again was hard. On the way to church, I pass by her favorite restaurant, a place called “Ronnie’s”. She always ordered Chicken Teriyaki and Sweet Rice and Custard. Ronnie and Sheila, the owners came to her services because they knew how much she loved going there.

There is a corner on the way home where I can either turn left and go to mother’s house or I can zigzag right and go to my house. I go through this intersection many times in a week and it seems a lump comes in my throat every time I pass through it. I’ve been told that time will heal all this and I know it’s true.

I used to pick her up and take her to the beauty shop on Thursdays. Then when she was finished, I would pick her up to take her home. We would always get some food and eat lunch together after I took her back home. It is hard for me on Thursdays when I think of what I have done for years and no longer have to do. I keep thinking, oh mother, I just wish I was picking you up again today. She was always so sweet at the beauty shop thanking everyone for everything as was her nature.

I wonder how long the ache lasts and when you stop tearing up so often? I wake up hoping we will not forget her impact on so many lives any time soon. I don’t know what lasting impact she had on others but I hope I will be kinder to all I come in contact with. I want to be friendlier and more interested in everyone I meet. I want to think the best and I vow to avoid being reactionary to unpleasant events. She valued and loved her family above all else next to her God and I want to be able to show my dear little family, I am trying to do the same. During her last days both in the hospital and at home she said over and over how proud she was of her family. She always wondered what people did who had no family. She thanked Linda Mae and I over and over for seeing to her care. Even when she hurt in the night, she would urge us to get some sleep.

As we have found old letters and information about our mother, we have discovered she had an unbelievably hard life….….much harder that we had thought. As we contemplate this, it becomes ever more real how extraordinary she was. To maintain the sweet spirit and cheerful attitude after having endured all she did is amazing. I always knew I was lucky to have her as my mom but have been convinced how blessed we who are children are to have been lucky enough to call her mother. Luck really has nothing to do with it. God decides those type things. It says in the Holy word that he sees us in our mother’s wombs where we are fearfully and wonderfully made. So I am grateful to God that he chose her to be my mom. All around us are those who are not fit to be called mother so this is not a blessing to taken lightly or for granted.

What am I hoping to accomplish by writing these words? I really don’t know other than I just don’t want to forget my remarkable roots. I don’t have anything I wish I had said to her that was left unsaid. She knew I loved her and valued her as did all her children and grandchildren. Maybe this expression will make me feel better but it will be a tribute to her and her life that hopefully will live on. All of wish we had spent a little more time with her, that we had called her more often, that we had listened to her stories more, that we had just dropped by more often, that we had told her we loved her more but I am trusting that she knew she was loved by all of us. And we are honored to have come from us. We do love you mama and we do miss you so much.

Reflections on What Makes a Mother Great

Each day that passes reminds me that time is fleeting and fragile. My dear mom, Doris Kennington is 89 years old and the family is planning on a big celebration for her 90th birthday in August of 2008. Mother is an incredible woman who has lived through some very unique experiences in her life, one of which always astonishes me when I think about it. "When mother was a little girl, her mother, Mom, was married to a guy who owned a ranch in Colorado. She had five children with her on the ranch and her husband was very cruel especially to the two older boys. The boys had already left and returned to Kansas City, where Mom had relatives living when Mom finally had enough and decided to leave. They actually hitch-hiked all the way from the mountains in Colorado to Kansas City. Can you imagine hitch-hiking with three small children clear across the country in the 1920's? Mother said they rode in bread trucks and all other kinds of vehicles on the way. Mom was clearly a remarkable woman in her own right but this post is going to be about my mother, Doris Kennington.

Thoughts about how to best tell mother's story is still floating about in my head so I am not sure how best to do it. Mother was born in Kansas City in 1918 and had one older sister Dorothy and three brothers, Carlile, Durb, and Bob. Their father was an engineer with the rail-road and was gone from home quite a bit. When their dad was home, things were good financially but when he was gone, things got really tough. Finally one day he just disappeared and they never saw him or heard from again until they were all grown. They grew up thinking he was dead.

Eventually the family moved to Grand Junction, Colorado, where my grandmother, Mom operated a pastry shop. Mother remembers delivering bread, pies and cakes in a little basket to homes when she was just a girl. Later she remembers coming home from school to mountains of pots and pans waiting to be washed. When she was just 17 she married our dad, Coll Eugene Catt and moved from a comfortable life to one of hardship.

What followed were years of all kinds of trials, times where she went hungry so her five children could eat, the washing machine being sold for a load of animal feed, driving on country roads to church in a Model A Ford with tires so thin they would have gone flat if she had run over a burning cigarette. The time she had to sell all our furniture to buy bus tickets to take us from McCamey, Texas back to Grand Junction, Colorado because her husband, our dad had gone to find work and failed to send money or communicate where he was. Or the time she asked him to send her money so she could buy all five of us kids winter coats but he sent expensive photos of himself instead. Or the time when he called her on the phone and told her he was married to another woman while still married to mother, asking for understanding how he could love them both and to help him figure out a way he could have both.

Why I said all that is to say, she survived all that and never talked about those hardships with her children. She taught us to love the Lord Jesus Christ as our Saviour and to love each other and our philandering dad. She kept us fed, warm, clean, and educated in times of great stress and enormous money challenges, and we never knew what she was going through until it was over. She had a heart so big, she never had favorites that we ever knew of. With each child her heart just expanded to love another one, whether it be a child, grandchild, great grandchild or great great grandchild. She taught us to work hard, so we could always be more than she had been, so we could achieve more if we gave more than others. She taught us integrity, hard work, honesty, courage, and self discipline. She sang to us and taught us to sing just for the love of music. She read to us when we were tiny and taught us to love the written word and books. She taught us cleanliness was next to godliness and although we were poor in those early days, we never knew we were.

As I was growing up we did not have television. We had a radio and at special times we would gather around and listen the shows like “The Shadow Knows”. But media was never on just for noise or music. It was always a special time to sit down and really listen.

Mother did love to read and she passed this passion on to her children. We would visit the public library every few weeks and we would all check out as many books as we could to hopefully last until the next time we came. Sometimes I read some of my older sister’s books after I had read all of mine. I used to imagine that someday I would write a novel. I never did but trying to express myself a bit in this blog is reminiscent of that childish dream.

Mother has been an optimist and expected the best of people for most of her life. Now that she is nearly 90 years of age, occasionly we have to remind to look for the best in others. It seems that as you age and have to live with the challenges of dementia sometimes she remember the bad and forgets the good. However, If colors could describe us, my mother-in-law is black and mother is rainbow.

I hope when I am old, really old because I guess I am already old, my children can think of more good things to say about me and about what I taught them than the areas I failed in.